Okay that wasn't nice

I guess most of my friends thought something was up, the whole 'yeah going to a seminar for approximately six months to learn how to be an insurance agent' thing wasn't my best dodge. So yeah, sorry, I've joined the police. I know, I know, we said we'd never get government jobs, but really I have no desire to go to work in actual insurance. It just dovetailed with one of those deals they make sometimes - funnily enough we did have that 'hey rookie want to join IA' conversation under a stairwell, like the instructors joked about.

So yeah. Didn't quite reach for the stars but I don't see a lot of social workers or community organizers or just steady, blue collar workers like we all swear our class would become. And hey, at least when I come to the reunion at Bryn, no one has to worry about parking tickets.

Gung Hay Fat Choi!

Okay so it's 2019 for sure now. I mean all props to the Gregorian calendar but getting a consensus on when the year starts is important. Plus it's the year of the pig (Preemptive FUCK YOU Ash, jerk, you know I rock this <3) so I guess.. no more scrapple this year. Easy enough; it's all choice cuts and grudging acceptance of struggle food from down south out here.

So.. top five of what they do right out here, top five of what gets completely wrecked out here.

1) Mac and Cheese. This is top spot because I am genuinely surprised anyone north of the Mason Dixon could pull this shit off. 'Artisinal' pasta and chunky gouda works so well.

2) Sushi. This is kind of a bye round. Yeah you better have good sushi with how close Japan is, relatively. But good on you, Cally, you managed to not grind away the immigrant tradition.

3) Menudo. 'Hey you know the part of the pig the shit goes through? Toss that in some broth.' That's how crazy it is to ask for but every time it's on the menu, I am completely floored by how good it is. Rich and earthy.

4) Sauvignon. Wine is a food. Fight me.

5) Stuffed chilis. Pick up your average habanero and consider how much could go in that. Not much, right? Just raw fucking heat the whole way through. But it is irresistible.

Now for the bad.

1) Pizza. No. Stop. California what are you doing this is a tomato stew.

2) Roast beef. The fixation on presentation kills you here. I don't want a beef confit. Fresh baked rolls are a drawback when they're so spongy they dissolve.

3) Hot wings. It is not that hard. You mix a thick vinegar sauce into a shitload of butter and then the magic happens. And you fry it.

4) Pizza. I mean goddamn this is not rocket science stop trying to make gummy bears work.. but for real, the 'humble' calzone. Ricotta. This isn't what you ask for to maintain image, this is what you order to satisfy horrific cravings. Come on. Guilt food shouldn't be moderated with whisper-thin crust and piss-weak peppers.

5) Sub sandwiches. It's a sub. You don't have the cred to call it a grinder, or a hoagie, or a blimpie. Stop fronting, Cally.

FML

Did you ever have to do something you really don't want to? Not going abstract here. I mean it's as simple as 'jesus wept please don't ask for more mayo' or something like 'stop dancing you're getting paid to just sit down.'

Kind of feeling that. I mean I don't want to bust this guy out because so far he's been a model citizen. But on the other hand, he's done some seriously questionable shit. Just feeling a little conflicted.

Of course there aren't any details. Maybe I'm lazy and sleazy and venal but I'm not gonna name names.

Office Politics

I stick to my little realm of adjustments pretty consistently. But sometimes there's someone that just jumps the fence; that asshole in Marketing who won't ever, ever shut up about how all that needs to happen to make people buckle their seat belts is to make it sexy, for example. That will not - WILL NOT - stop pushing that into every other aspect. Like you're trying to do your job and even work with  Travel insurance to see if there can't be anything done about fleet rates. And then they show up and it's 'that's nice and all but how about you angle the mirror on the next ad to show this dudes package subliminally.'

Then they start trying to cut out actual work being done or just monopolize your time. And then (and then) and then it's pretty much down to pistols at dawn in the parking lot if you don't want to see their entire division - and then YOUR entire division - becoming some slick program advocating the uberdong.

At least I work with a pretty decent set. It took a lot of work to really show that there needed to be some changes, but at least they got made. And no, uh, car mirror dongs. This is a bad analogy. If I get into the technical details then no one's going to stick around long enough for when I start posting my old camgirl work.

Busy at work

But it's rewarding. Not just because insurance adjustment is a great field; sometimes it's the side bennies.

Like I spent nearly a whole day investigating pizza - this is kind of a self-own already if you've seen my scale numbers lately. It's great that this whole west coast 'do whatever the fuck you want who cares' ethos means getting to build your own pie, that's great. In fact it's the only thing keeping these poor benighted souls going I'd say.

Golden mean thinking is pretty much a dead end. But I think there is a happy medium in the anglosphere, if you take Prospect as one pole and London as the other. One side just has too much shit going on, too many attempts to crowbar open acceptable food preparation and then dump everything you've ever seen, heard of, or read about on some shitty foodie blog. And on the other side you've got the grim remnants of rationing and just a national disposition towards misery.

So naturally the best place to find equilibrium is somewhere on the rust belt. What a coincidence. Then there's outliers like Chicago and the horrifying shit they've done to simple, plain garbage food in a desperate bid for some kind of identity.

Ride and/or Die

I'm glad that dad doesn't really get the synergy between 'checking on family' and 'using google to do it,' otherwise it's going to be a constant refrain of I Told You So. 'Hi honey, haven't spoken in awhile, you still working in insurance? And I Told You So.'

So I was riding my bike and finally had a chance to really push it. All the hype about electric engines, they're true and satisfying and I can't imagine going back; it's like black cock except true. The torque is just incredible and every pound of it is just roaring right there. Not exactly roaring. Okay I'm thinking I might take out the engine noise speakers but also maybe not, because even sitting on it and going that fast was a little spooky.

But eventually I did eat shit and crash, kind of. It's a little hard to put together in retrospect but now there's a few ounces of flesh I used to have that I don't anymore. Always wear your helmet. On the brighter side this is the most weight I've lost since freshman year.

And thinking about it I really hope dad doesn't look me up anywhere on the internet, let alone google.

I need to get a pet or something. There's all this weird shit out in the water and I think it's just a matter of time before something gets inside. Rats or seagulls or whatever lives out there. I'm not a marine biologist.

But I'd feel like shit if I got a cat I guess. It'd just sit inside all day and I'm never home anyway (seriously I think I'm going to flip shit if Janie tells me all about how she's working so many hours come on bitch (love you) last time I had a day off I nearly committed a felony) so I don't think that'll work. I love the job but the hours must be pretty hard on anyone with shit to take care of, like kids, or cats. See?

Even if I want to be a weird spinster I'm going to need to stack up serious seniority before I can get proper started on the crazy amounts of cats.

Dogs are out too since the place is tiny as hell, but it's mine. And the beach is to die for (hah). I'd rather fill my purse with rocks than a toy poodle, then it's just me that sinks when I walk out into the waves.

Maybe I'll get a snake.